Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Episode 355 - Knight Moves, chapters 3-4

Episode 355: Knight Moves, chapters 3-4

I tried to mid probe her, but she shot back with brain bullets. Why are you looking at me like that?

There have been many daring prison break-outs in fiction, but none like the one presented in the second chunk of Knight Moves! With a well-paced insider on their team, super-evil murderbot Erika proceeds with a plan that is not only needlessly over-complicated for the sake of it, but also traps them and the person they were rescuing inside the prison with no way out while surrounded by killer robots! Brilliant! It’s genius like this that makes this work of derivative fanfic wholly original cyberpunk fiction the well-regarded work that it is today (Because, you know, we’re all reading Sound and Light right now!) Meanwhile, Dick Chaser falls down a hole, goes on an awkward lunch date, exposits about his super powers, drinks lots of water and is generally unpleasant to everybody that he meets. But that’s okay, because he’s a Nice Guy. He said so.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Episode 354 - Knight Moves, chapters 1-2

Episode 354: Knight Moves, chapters 1-2

This has been two idiots negotiating.

Meet Dick Chaser*, corporate spy, raider, cyborg superman, pizza connoisseur and all-around idiot. Meet William Ackerman, gratuitously evil cooperate overlord and also an idiot. Meet Jason Chandler, also a gratuitously evil cooperate overlord and, once again, an idiot. These three are the core characters from Light and Sound, an original Cyberpunk story about intrigue, espionage, the price of power or some other junk like that. But why are they here? Because they’ve been crudely shoehorned into Bubblegum Crisis for the sake of skipping out on the world-building. So you get all the fun of watching really stupid people negotiate, try to find their way around Tokyo to the nearest rollercoaster and just ask to be subject to some police brutality all the while knowing there are more interesting people in the background who you could be reading about instead! Also, Largo is there because it’s a BGC fic and that’s the rules.

*Yes, that is his name

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Episode 353 - The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 40-45

Episode 353: The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 40-45

Oh come on, you rip off one guy’s face and nobody ever lets you live it down.

It’s time for more of The Amazing Star-Spider! But what does this section bring, you may ask? Well, if you’re a fan of dropped plots, then this is the fic for you. That’s right, it starts not one, not two but three brand-new plotlines without any thought of the story left by the wayside. And if you like teenage angst, then this is the fic for you. You can sit back and enjoy as Teresa moans and whines her head off about the sudden shocking and senseless twist in her life that’s brushed over and forgotten in seconds. And if you’re a fan of creepy women leering at other creepy women, then this is definitely the fic for you. Not only does it have more of the worst love interest ever, but we’ve got a whole new barely-described beauty to make you feel uncomfortable and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking. If this is what you want in a fanfic, then The Amazing Star-Spider is for you! And if this fic is for you – seek help, please.

Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Episode 352 - Razor versus Warrior Nun Areala - Faith

Episode 352: Razor versus Warrior Nun Areala - Faith

Nineties comics were a bit silly, weren’t they?

Not to be confused with Areala versus Razor, this is an entirely different and yet still near identical book. Straight from the horrors of nineties bad girl comics, we have a tale of... well, not much really. There’s some demons, and there’s a pair of ludicrously dressed, impossibly proportioned women who fight them in festivals of blood-soaked cartoonish violence. Oh, and they also fight each other, which is basically a given, what with the ‘versus’ part of the title. Throw in the Generic Anime Villain’s guide to dating and you basically have a wrap. So get your Sword of Catholic Guilt, stab a demon through the eyeballs and kick over a gravestone for the generic crossover action of Razor versus Areala.

Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Mat Simmons and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Rick R.

Monday, November 6, 2017

Episode 351 - Gates of Oblivion

Episode 351: Gates of Oblivion

Asuka insisted they swing by to mock Hiditio, and frankly, who can blame them?

What would you get if you took all the Tom Dyron out of DELTA Invasion? The answer would be this fic, the final part of the Dyron Cycle. Having decided that DELTA no longer fit his “vision” for Evangelion, the author pulled it and replaced it with this reinterpretation that features ninety percent more literacy but otherwise is exactly the same. Okay, that’s not entirely true. True, it does have an odious new character (not the one you’re thinking of), an Invador Alert and a nonsensical fight scene. But it does lack a lot of the other classic Dyronesque elements such as dead Matts, Italian restaurant menus, dripping homoeroticism and any hint of entertainment. What does that leave us with? Read on and be surprised, dear reader as the last chapter of the Dyron legacy unfolds… and then crashes and burns on the first lap.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Episode 350 - Bubblegum Wars

Episode 350: Bubblegum Wars

I think “escape” is too strong a word. “Casual stroll” would better describe their getaway.

Plucked from the depths of the mid-nineties comes Bubblegum Wars, a fic whose title alone deserves no further explanation. Which is good, by the way, because sure as hell it’s not going to offer you any at all. Instead it drops you straight into the action without thought to plot, story, character, premise or plausibility in the hope that you’ll be too busy gawping like an overly-excited twelve year old to realise just how bad it is. What it does offer is Rik, the amazing new guy who… is not as stupid as his captors… I guess? Really? He’s there, and he does something, I suppose, but he does seem to be a little strangely redundant to this already threadbare plot. Throw in good old BGC Fanfic Cliché #1 (You know the one) and a setup for a sequel that never materialised and you have the sequence of ASCII characters that is Bubblegum Wars. (Great Spirit of space be with you and all that)

Riffers: ?, ?, ? and ?
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Episode 349 - The Unexpected Future, chapters 13-17

Episode 349: The Unexpected Future, chapters 13-17

Our epic conclusion in which the deadly assassin from the future is given a harsh talking to by a teenage girl.

After spending approximately six dozen chapters going nowhere at all, the Unexpected Future suddenly spasms back to life and lurches towards something that could be crudely be described as a conclusion. Yes, I know, I’m as surprised as you are. So what actually happens? Well, for starters, Deedee actually says the one thing she needed to say in order to get this whole mess started. And after one incredibly brief bit of character conflict we move into the actual finale. Wait, what? Yes, just as suddenly as the fic started it ends with something that more or less resembles a conclusion. But that’s not all! We still need to have a conclusion in order to congratulate Deedee some more on how she destroyed all of space and time in order to fulfil her personal parental fantasy. Isn’t that touching? Now she, the Biker Mice and Charley can get back to fighting Limburger like they always have.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.