Saturday, March 9, 2024

Episode 475 - The New Adventures of the High Five, chapters 4-6

Episode 475: The New Adventures of the High Five, chapters 4-6


Stupid noob, doesn’t even have power over time, space, death and reality. What a loser.

In this, the latest three chapter-like objects of this ongoing simulacrum of a narrative, the High Five go into a video game, fight some monsters, fight a boss and then bump into Mordred, the guy who might be the villain or something like that. But that's not what the story's actually about. It's really about Lozer who is certainly an entity that exists in space and time, and yet is also strangely fascinating despite having the personality of a brick. So join our boy as he finds new ways to blow himself up in a variety of new environments in the newest part of New Adventures of the High Five. But don't go to New York, as it's down to apply a service patch.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.


Saturday, February 10, 2024

Episode 474 - The New Adventures of the High Five, chapters 1-3

Episode 474: The New Adventures of the High Five, chapters 1-3


Turns out that was a vital load-bearing clown.

In this chunk of fic, Lozer achieves his lifelong dream of launching himself off a ramp in a go-kart so he can suicide bomb a giant killer clown head. And to that I say ‘live big' and also ‘what the actual hell man?’. That's right, we have more of our favourite spatio-temporal entity doing what he does best, generally hanging around and making you wonder what he's doing there. So thrill as Art3mis talks to an NPC, Aech goes through their regular stream of humiliation and Daito and Sho struggle to remember who is who for the first chunk of The New Adventures of the High Five. Which is not just more of The Newcomer. At all.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.


Saturday, January 13, 2024

Episode 473 - The Newcomer, chapters 6-10

Episode 473: The Newcomer, chapters 6-10


And yet ‘don’t you still have the flamethrowing dinosaur’ is still not the dumbest thing we’ve said about this fic.

In this next snack-sized portion of The Newcomer we hit one of those moments we've come to both dread and relish, which is the introduction of the author's OC villain. This moment will raise several questions such as ‘who is he', ‘what does he want', ‘why don't the High Five just use their positions as owners of the OASIS to instantly solve the problem’ and ‘why do we even care'? But mostly the fic's about Lozer flailing around, getting an origin story, and failing to justify his existence. So get your Kaneda's Bike from Akira and your lousy gacha game mechanics for another round of The Newcomer. Now with archive action!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.


Saturday, December 16, 2023

Episode 472 - The Newcomer, chapters 1-5

Episode 472: The Newcomer, chapters 1-5


Those penguins are up to something. I know it.

When you're the world's five richest and most powerful people who literally own the internet, you can pick and choose who you hang out with. And that's why the High Five have decided that they are all deeply emotionally invested in this guy called Lozer who might be the greatest example of nominative determinism at work that I have ever seen. And if you’re thinking that there surely must be some hidden depths to this guy that you're missing, well then, you'd be entirely wrong, bucko. So it's time to put your Viking helmet on and go around looting corpses for the first part of The Newcomer. No, seriously, his name is Lozer. I'm not making that up.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.


Saturday, November 18, 2023

Episode 471 - Harry Potter and G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone, Chapters 3-4

Episode 471: Harry Potter and G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone, Chapters 3-4


PPS, the Roboskull is real, lives on the dark side of the moon and is coming for you

We join our hero, Harry Potter the boy wizard as he leads a covert strike against a group of revolutionaries aimed at breaking up an arms deal that ends with him achieving a double-digit bodycount. Now you might be staggered at that idea, but trust me, it’s far from the stupidest part of the fic. Instead, we're treated to the sheer magic (joke not intended) that its Lily Potter's insane paranoid manifesto which will no doubt end with the revelation that Dumbledore is a lizard person. So grab your name-band firearms, your hardened milspec laptop and your hall pass for the second half of Harry Potter the G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone. Also trust nobody, filter your water, and never leave home without your tinfoil hat.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.


Sunday, October 29, 2023

Episode 470 - Harry Potter and G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone, Chapters 1-2

Episode 470: Harry Potter and G.I. Joe: The Philosopher's Stone, Chapters 1-2


If this ends with G.I. Joe in court fighting for custody of Harry Potter, then this fic it will all be worth it

It’s rare that a fic gives you its entire premise in the title, but yet when you’ve got one called Harry Potter and G.I. Joe, you should probably know exactly what to expect. Even then, you’ll probably end up being surprised when Scarlett (heart-shaped face, high cheekbones, emerald green eyes, copper-red hair) decides that she’s going to move heaven and earth for a boy that she has only just met and who has spent all that time unconscious. So while everyone is shocked that two redheads exist in the world and the Dursleys suffer grisly deaths we’ll be describing characters’ clothes in stupidly elaborate detail for the first portion of Harry Potter and G.I. Joe. Features a bulldog and/or Dreadnok!

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.


Sunday, October 8, 2023

Episode 469 - Turtles' Big Sister, Chapters 2-3

 Episode 469: Turtles' Big Sister, Chapters 2-3


Her father was kidnapped by hideous brain aliens, but she’s fine now

It’s time for more of the amazing adventures of Pepper, the cat-headed goddess who defines all of existence and without whom we have no meaning. In this exciting pair of chapters, you'll be glued to your seat as Pepper rolls her eyes, lectures people, rolls her eyes, beats up bad guys, rolls her eyes, is completely insufferable at all times and is praised for it, rolls her eyes, is vaguely racist and then, as a break, rolls her eyes some more. Yes, its an utterly thrilling adventure here in the next segment of Turtles’ Big Sister, so you better buckle up and enjoy it. Or else Pepper will roll her eyes at you.

Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis

Written by: Zogster and Rick R.