Monday, June 26, 2017

Episode 345 - Machine Wars

Episode 345: Machine Wars

I’m okay. Also I have the essence of our living machine god in my chest.


After being unable to get onto the internet, an author writes a fanfic to post on the internet. Think about the logic of that statement for a minute, and then you’re about ready to be thrown headlong into the literary piranha tank that is Machine Wars. Assembled from reading lists of toys, this fic manages to lose coherence in the first sentence and never gets it back. And while it might lack things like plot, story, characterization, sentence structure and readability, it does give you what you all really want: long lists of character names that don’t mean anything at all. So join all your favourite characters like Smartmind, Cableye, Deathwatch, Laughing Blue Jet, Wangstmuffin, Calcule, Fuzzbox, Expositron, Black Crystal Pepsi Convoy and Franklin Delanor Roosevelt Minicon III, earl of ToejaAm as their collective rigid grill structure bears down on your unprotected cargo bay door.


Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Mat Simmons and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Rick R.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Episode 344 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 18-22

Episode 344: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 18-22

She believes in the beliefs that she believes in.

When an evil space villain calls you up to challenge you to a battle for control of the world, you know that you can trust them and believe every word that they say. I mean, it’s not like a bad guy who has kidnapped people, brainwashed them, forced them to fight against their will and threatened world peace would do anything bad or dishonest, right? But even in the off-chance that something does go wrong, you can always blow yourself up and ditch any hint of responsibility and yet be assured that everything will work out well. Yes, that’s the lessons learned from the more or less conclusion to Gundam Wing Crisis, in which Mister Bear’s army of badness fights the good guys for stuff and reasons. I got nothing beyond that, sorry.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Episode 343 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 11-17

Episode 343: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 11-17

She wanted to be good of being better so that better good she could be at good better getting.

War looms, mass disappearances are causing panic, terrorists are delivering ultimatums, prominent politicians are being assassinated and evil villains are going out on incredibly awkward lunch dates. In response to this unprecedented crisis, the world’s most powerful peacekeeping force go to the circus to throw unsuspecting VIPs across the room and eat disgusting overpriced corn dogs. But this isn’t the only brilliant strategy employed by the Gundam Gang; it also extends to such amazing plans as “kill the bad guys” and “don’t die”. But yet, even in the face of this unconventional wisdom, the KioDawn Alliance (the only terrorist ideology based around a teddy bear) remains a threat. Why? We don’t know. But the fic insists they are anyway. It’s like that.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Episode 342 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 6-10

Episode 342: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 6-10

So far we know more about the teddy bear than we do about our arch-villain.

In the face of kindappings, brainwashings, massive terrorist organisations, random attacks and tacky overpriced jewelry the Gundam Pilots elect to respond to this growing crisis by sitting around and doing nothing. Despite this rather questionable plan of (in)action, they are still successful in thwarting the efforts of the Kiyoshi-DawnChan Alliance, an evil organization named for a child’s toy. However, when terror strikes, our heroes respond in a decisive manner by going to a karaoke bar, playing video games and meeting minor diplomatic functionaries. However, despite this, the evil terror group will not rest until they have achieved their goal of making one teenage girl sad. That’s right, it’s all about the ideology here in Gundam Wing Crisis, so grab a teddy bear and a generic tragic flashback and enjoy the ride!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Rebuild of Elmer Studios, year five

Five years. Wow.

When we restarted Elmer Studios, our plan was more or less “let’s redo Delta Invasion and go from there.” We had no idea how long it would last or where we would go. Initially, a lot of it was to simply see what fics (and other such materials) we could find. It wasn’t until well after that point that we began to form long-term plans and look at where we would be further down the road. Nowadays we try to plan in terms of long-term arcs and build between significant landmarks.

This last year has been a slow one, admittedly, with only twenty-one episodes and way too many one-episode months. A part of this was because the year was between two big points. On one side was the one hundred episode mark with another hit of Dyron, as well as the awkwardness that was Life’s Gunpla Battles Mk II. And on the other side are our plans for the future, which will be covered later. This meant that, for the most part, this was a quiet year in terms of major events or certain favourite authors. On the other hand, it did have a number of other highlights including a particularly interesting piece.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Episode 341 - Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 1-5

Episode 341: Gundam Wing Crisis, chapters 1-5

We interrupt your lack of progress to report that there's a lack of progress.

When you’re an evil organization bent on doing evil things, kidnapping a powerful and highly influential political figure would seem to be a good plan. However, when you then brainwash them into acting like a spazzy kid and use them in a way that doesn’t even begin to utilize their aforementioned skills, then maybe, just maybe you have a problem. However, the Kioshi DawnChan Alliance has plenty of other problems to deal with, not the least of which is how dumb its name sounds. But they are not going to let that, an angry boyfriend, a support group or overpriced tacky jewelry keep them from their poorly defined goals of doing bad stuff. So grab your Mobile Suit and get ready for some really intense Hide and Seek in the first portion of Gundam Wing Crisis. It’s got beefy bits!


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Episode 340 - The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 32-39

Episode 340: The Amazing Star-Spider, chapters 32-39

It’s like this whole fic is a competition to see who’s the biggest creep.


Ah, young love. Young, abusive love. Yes, it’s time for of The Amazing Star Spider and her creepy manipulative stalker flirtatious feline femme fatale. But it’s also time for Teresa to meet her new instantly appearing girlfriend. Yes, it’s not enough for her every stepped to be dogged by an obsessive madwoman, but our Star-Spider also finds a new love, almost literally flying into her life at breakneck speed. And you won’t believe which mutant it is that shacks up with our heroine, largely because they bear no resemblance to the original character whatsover. Sure, there may be something about a gang war (isn’t there always), and Crime-Master is still shouting, oh and she might have mutilated somebody in cold blood. But what really matters is that our lead is getting laid in the worst way possible. So come on in and find new ways not to enjoy The Amazing Star-Spider!


Riffers: Dan, Maya Gold, Celena Harte and Tsuneo Tateo
Written by: Zogster

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Episode 339 - Storm Force, parts 4-6

Episode 339: Storm Force, parts 4-6

Living your life one Great News For All Readers at a time


And now after years of anticipation (not really), the final part of the origin of Storm Force can be told! After spending an eternity farting around with robot arms, experimental microsurgery, expository walk and talks and trying to kill the rest of his team, brave pyromaniac designated protagonist John Storm is ready to lead his men into deadly danger against the dreaded half-man, half-spider Tarantula! Will Storm succeed? Will Porcupine follow through on the threat that is his sole character trait? Will Mikron do anything? Will Wolf hold up a TV? Will anyone actually remember that agent Winston, the supposed objective of this whole face, actually exists? The answers to all these questions won’t even mildly surprise you, but here they are no less!


Riffers: Rebecca Bartley, Natasha Isavia, Mat Simmons and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Rick R.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Episode 338: Robotech - First Contact, chapters 7-11

Episode 338: Robotech: First Contact, chapters 7-11

The solemnity and stark terror of the situation is somewhat ruined when you remember that the captain is pantsless.

Having been told that his future depends on him playing by the rules, Tom immediately proceeds to steal a jet fighter and take it on a joy-ride before trying to kill his best friend for laughs. And because he just broke every rule in the book and nearly killed somebody with illegally modified military hardware, Tom is naturally congratulated for it by everybody around him. Meanwhile, a crew of dangerous incompetents struggle with unknowable aliens that have ravaged entire worlds by laughing at the captain’s mistakes, engaging in cheap pratfalls and reminiscing about university lectures. What do these two storylines have to do with each other, you might ask. Well, that’s a really good question, as we have no clue either. What we do know is that there’s a lot of talking about jet planes in oddly sexual terms and how Tom likes to ‘jack in’ to things. Take that how you will.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Art Fail - Barticus

Behold Barticus and his gigantic laser cannon boobs! Possessing an arsenal capable of leveling cities and yet only ever hits things with a tree! Completely indestructible only to be felled with a single rocket!


Well, I don't know about you, but I'm intimidated.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Episode 337 - Robotech: First Contact, chapters 1-6

Episode 337: Robotech: First Contact, chapters 1-6

Well, you just lost an argument with a minimum wage security guard who's job perks include a donut allowance. I can see that your case is going to go well.

Meet Tom*, your average everyday teenage ace pilot rebel without a cause or clue. Having been suspended for three years from flight school for being a self-destructive idiot he returns to duty in order to do the exact same thing. But that's okay, because the universe will continue to bend over backwards to reward him for every single thing he does. So much so that everyone even congratulates him in the incredibly creepy relationship he has with his motorcycle even while he's verbally abusing his older brother for having a stable and important job. So sit back with a mug of superheated coffee and your fake internet girlfriend for the first gripping part of Robotech: First Contact (Also there’s some stuff about unknowable alien entities blowing up a spaceship but it's really not that important.)

*Not the one you're thinking of.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Episode 336 - Daughter of the Saints, chapters 13-14

Episode 336: Daughter of the Saints, chapters 13-14

Even Gaia's tragic backstory has a tragic backstory.

In this final chunk of Daughter of the Saints, the fic doesn’t so much end or even stop as it just gives up the will to live and crawls out onto the road and lies down to die. However, before that sweet merciful release is granted unto it, we still have more to go. So sit on down for more of that boundless joy and cheer that you have come to expect from it; more wangst, more flashbacks, more wangst and flashback filled dream sequences and even more discussions on the Wolf Ranching industry. That’s right, it’s all fun and games here as we cry over dead cancer mom, fret over if super sparkly magical cancer is hereditary, take comfort in the presence of Mike the Human and spin our wheels in the mud to get nowhere fast.

Oleg is in the next chapter, really.


Riffers: Dan, Rebecca Bartley, Tsuneo Tateo and Rick R. Mortis
Written by: Zogster and Rick R.